Sex During Pregnancy
Nothing raises as many eyebrows as the subject of sex during
pregnancy. Despite the old saying that medical and religious
miracles aside, every pregnancy started with a sex act.
One thing that I would note is that sex and sexuality are
very different, and that even if you are not having sexual
intercourse, your sexuality can still be expressed.
Your sexual practices during
pregnancy will depend on several factors:
- Your previous beliefs about sex
- Your Partner's previous beliefs
- Physical aspects of your pregnancy
- Emotional aspects of your pregnancy
There are many reasons why sex during pregnancy can be more
enjoyable, even if your are doing it less. There is an
increase in vaginal lubrication, engorgement of the genital
area helps some people become orgasmic for the first time or
multi-orgasmic, the lack of birth control, or if you have been
trying for awhile, a return to sex as pleasure as opposed to
procreational, and other reasons.
On the other hand there are reasons why sex might not be as
pleasurable: fear of hurting the baby, nausea, fatigue,
Although these can be valid reasons, doing research and
talking to your partner and practitioner can often help you
clarify what is really inappropriate during pregnancy,
particularly for you.
Change is rampant during pregnancy both in your body and
your beliefs. While women may feel large and uncomfortable,
men generally find the pregnant body very erotic and
desirable. Talk about your differences and attitudes towards
your body and sexuality.
Make sure that you discuss the feelings that you have about
sex and sexuality. These discussions can lead to a more
fulfilling sex life. If either of you do not feel like having
sex, this can be particularly important. Explain to your
partner what is going on and what they can do to help you be
sexual. For example: more cuddling, relaxing baths, romantic
dinners, massages, mutual masturbation, whatever you and your
partner agree upon is exactly what you need.
The hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy also play a part in
your reactions to making love, as do the trimesters. Many
women are too fatigued and nauseated to be very interested
during the first trimester, while the second trimester brings
a new sense of delight as her abdomen grows, and again later
in the third trimester the desire may wane as well.
Okay, so we know that there are wide variances in who is
doing it and when, the big question (No pun intended.) is how?
Creativity should be your keyword during pregnancy. Or more
bluntly put, whatever works!
There are many positions that are more comfortable as you
expand. These include:
- Woman on top
- Spooning (Man behind woman, rear entry)
- Hands and Knees
- Side lying, knee pulled up
When not to have sex and/or orgasms
Most women worry about postpartum sex beginning in pregnancy.
During pregnancy you may have wondered what the effects of the
pregnancy on your body and mind, not to mention a new little
one would have on your sex life postpartum. The good news is
that many women find that they have better sex lives, just
different, after the birth of a baby. Just remember it will be
different. Here are some tips to enhancing your postpartum sex
- Your practitioner has advised against it
- You have a history of premature birth or labor
- Placenta previa (Where part of the placenta is covering
- Your water has broken
- Your are currently experiencing bleeding
- You or your partner has an active sexually transmitted
- Don't rush into anything. Take your time. Having sex
before you are ready (your mind or your body) is harmful
to your relationship.
- Shower together! Or bathe together. Not only will it
save time and money for water but you might have a lot of
- lan for birth control. Don't be someone who is caught
two months after the birth of your baby wondering if you
got pregnant because you took a chance.
- Try to plan some time alone, even if it's just to
cuddle. Having a baby may leave you feeling "touched
out," but some special snuggle time with your main
guy can help revive that, even before sexual intercourse
is allowed or wanted.
- Get to know each other a bit better. Remember you're
both having to adjust your life to being parents, even if
it's not your first child.
- Be spontaneous! Bedtime might not always be the right
time. Nor will the bedroom always be the right place. Add
some spice to your sex life, act like a teenager!
- Lubrication! Make sure you and your partner take enough
time to get into the mood and that you're feeling moist
enough to handle it. If you think you need some more help
than what mother nature is providing, be sure to use an
over the counter lubricant rather than worry needlessly.
If you're still concerned talk to your practitioner.
- Remember it's quality not quantity. You don't have to
have sex every night, not even every week. Figure out what
timing is right for your relationship.
- Talk about your fears of sexual intercourse. Maybe
you're worried about the repair of an episiotomy or some
stitches that you had. Perhaps you're concerned about how
your partner feels after watching you give birth.
- Never hesitate to say no. Maybe you need the freedom to
say no once in awhile. Your partner might also need the
same freedom. There are also compromises that can be made
along the way. Maybe intercourse is out but some good
old-fashioned kissing and necking isn't?