Sex, like most other functions of our body is a normal process. As other functions, like for example, the digestion, can be upset by factors like a bad mood, stress or similar such things, so can the sexual function be disturbed by a whole lot of factors. These may not necessarily involve the anatomy but instead it’s the mind, which makes the difference.

If sex is allowed to happen naturally, in a relaxed way, our bodies will respond normally without any conscious effort on our part.

There are a wide variety of problem or situations that can upset the normal sexual responsiveness, most of them, fortunately, can be helped in a positive manner by understanding on our part. Here are a few of the most common amongst them and ways to improve:

Misunderstanding and/or lack of information about sex :

Its indeed one of the most telling ironies that Sex, despite being one of the most commonly discussed topic in our lives and in the media, there is a surprising lack of correct information about ‘What to Expect and How to Act’.

Those images of the ‘Perfect Macho Man and The Perfect Sensual Woman’ on the TV and in the Magazines make us feel that Sex instead of being a perfectly normal natural and enjoyable thing, is an ‘Act to be Performed to Perfection’. All this does it to add to the confusion and leads to unrealistic fears, expectations and fantasies. 

	Bad feelings about Sex and its consequences - 1.  Fear of pregnancy; Fear of pain; Fear of       being caught / heard / or       interrupted. 2.  Performance Anxiety-Fear of failing to       perform well. 3.  Fear of losing control (during orgasm) and
or becoming vulnerable. 4.  Looking unattractive during the climax. 5.  Bad feelings about yourself or your body like, feeling that the       body is  unattractive. Feelings that I am not successful (low       self-esteem).

Problems in relationship – 

Anger/resentment against the partner should be resolved as it can decrease the performance and pleasure while having sex. 

Unsuitable circumstances –

While a ‘Quickie’ sometimes can be fun! But normally Good Sex requires a relaxed mind and body. Too much of a hurry, tiredness or preoccupation can rob you of the pleasures of Sex. 

Performance anxiety – 

This is one of the most significant problems in the way of Good Sex. We often forget that Sex is something that comes naturally to all of us, instead, we seem to view ourselves as performers who have to complete an act to perfection. 

Spectator role – 

Quite often we start observing ourselves as an audience, instead of really participating in it. – We observe ourselves ‘doing the act’, as if on stage (now coming, now coming...., so again it doesn't,...I knew it…etc.). 

Avoid spectatoring:

Remember that you are not a spectator of an act, you are the act itself, and you are the participant. You are not there to critically analyze it and constantly to measure your efficiency. You are there to ‘Let Go’ and enjoy.

Enjoy the interaction and don’t aim or worry about the performance. Enjoy caressing, touching your partner (anywhere on the body). It’s nice to touch and feel close to your partner. 

Break the cycle of watching / worrying / and further reducing the response. 

Improve communication 

Communication is a vital part of having Good Sex. Remember "Sex is as much between the Ears, as it is, between the Legs". Good communication with your partner can make the difference between having Sex ‘for the sake of it’ and having ‘a really good time’.

Communicate verbally/non-verbally. Tell your partner where else do you want, to be touched-how much and for how long. Tell him/her when it’s pleasurable and also when it hurts. Relax pleasantly and enjoy this without worrying about the ultimate. Enjoy in different positions, sometimes-female superior positions can be an easy position.

Remove Misunderstanding 

A misunderstanding between the partners can really affect the sexual relationship badly. The clearer both are about each other and Sex the better it is. A feeling that something important needs to be sorted out before going further should not be overlooked. 

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT SEX





SOME COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT SEX

The penis can become erect at very early stage, especially in a young man. This does not mean that he is necessarily ready for intercourse and he may start too soon - before his partner feels ready. She may become anxious as she feels she is keeping him waiting. Vaginal lubrication may remain hidden especially in lying down positions. Both partners may assume she is not responding, when in fact she is. Penis gives a more obvious signal which the vagina may not. Arousal comes in waves in both the man and the woman. This is normal. The decline doesn't mean that something is wrong. Premature ejaculation (coming too soon, before the partner is ready) is normal in young men, particularly when very much aroused. Control comes with learning and practice. Many women may not have orgasm but are fully responsive. This doesn’t mean that they are frigid.  Early sexual relationships may not have orgasms in women. Partners need not worry. Anxiety further inhibits it. The husband snoring one minute after ejaculating can produce resentment if the wife is still feeling the need for intimacy. The men have their refractory period (time during which sexual arousal is difficult) very fast. Woman need not feel upset (as if being used as a sleeping pill) - you can wake up your husband sometimes and let him know.